I think most moms have that period of time where they feel a little hazy after having a baby. The days blur and you kind of go through the motions for a couple of weeks. I bounced back after having Sienna quite quickly. It kind of shocked me because her labor was pretty tough. I felt good and was happy. I started exercising and felt healthy. Penny, on the other hand, was so easy to deliver. Literally, one minute and seven seconds. That's how long her birth video is! As easy as her delivery was, I didn't feel like myself until a couple of months ago. For three years I was constantly giving all of myself to this little person. Birthing a human is not easy and being that person's life source for months afterward, is no easy task either.
I am three years postpartum, but I never stopped to ask myself if I was actually postpartum. I hate to throw out words like that. I'm very careful about being sensitive to those who actually suffer from depression, but looking back now, I'm pretty sure I was a little blue. I was moody and anxious. If I wasn't sleeping at all, I was sleeping too much. I felt sad all the time and was constantly on the verge of tears. I gained 15 pounds after giving birth and was constantly eating. I chose sugar because it made me feel better. I would spent days indoors without leaving once. (I still do this sometimes, but let's make some progress.) I felt so guilty because I love my kids. I wanted to have them, and I prayed for them daily until I held them in my arms. I just couldn't shake the feeling of constant sadness. I was exercising, but not really. I just felt so blah! Nothing motivated me and nothing mattered. A few months ago something changed. I went on a cleanse. So silly yet it changed everything. I thought I would lose a few pounds and cleanse my body from all that it was addicted to, but what I got was a sense of clarity. I felt like i was in a dream state for almost three years, and now everything seemed clearer.
It's crazy what you don't notice until the clouds lift. It all started making sense. It felt so good to actually know why I was feeling the way I was. I used it as motivation and jumpstarted my wellness journey. I started doing research about what I was putting into my body. What was considered healthy and what wasn't. How does sugar affect me? Do I need to have massive amounts every day? Obviously consuming an entire jar of Nutella wasn't my greatest choice. I started making small, daily changes in my food choices. I started reading more books that had actual meaning. I still love a good fluffy romance, but you know what I mean. I started listening to podcasts that inspired me.
Cleansing is so helpful in that way. I cleansed my body from sugar and all the nasty stuff that can have an affect on your mood. (Like scrolling through Instagram all day!) The clouds lifted after three years and I'm in such a better place. It's so hard, but taking some time and investing in yourself is the best thing you can do as a mother. Reading, praying, singing, cooking (my favorite), and a good vacuum session. These are things that make me happy. I also got a haircut which completely blew my mind, it made me feel so good!
I have these little humans to raise, so I'm trying to be better. I hope all you moms out there don't feel alone! We're all just trying to be better, right? I hope we can encourage other mothers to not just take care of their families, but look after themselves too.
We took these photos in January when my sister was here, but I kind of forgot about them! I love this family of mine and I am privileged to do life with them!
Have you listened to any good podcasts lately? I prefer to read a lot of the time, but I also like to just listen to people talk too! I feels a little more personal. Plus, I like to associate people with their voices, is that weird? Here's what I've been listening to:
Oprah's Super Soul Conversations
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
The Goop Podcast
Leave your favorites below! You guys, spring has sprung around here and I'm so happy!